Christians fail too

I made a promise to God:“I want to live right”.
Since I  renewed and revitalized my relationship with Christ, I want to act according to his will.
So I made a promise to God and said I wouldn’t do certain things anymore.

I was during really good, I whined and complained, but I was adhered to my word.
During my quiet time with God, I made the ‘mistake’ of asking him to reveal my heart to me. (I say mistake in quotation marks because, I wasn’t truly ready for what was about to happen next.)

My prayers were earnest and they mainly went: ‘Lord, what sins do I commit that displease you? Father what is the condition of my heart?’
The thing about a living God is that when you pray prayers like that, he answers happily but not necessarily in the way you would like.

Suddenly I kept getting hit with these tests. The biggest thing I promised God was that I wouldn’t entertain a relationship until I was sure that man was my husband.

Would you believe the guy I had casually been flirting with in my science class seriously started pursuing me shortly after I began my earnest prayers to God. What started as studying together evolved to texting, then snapchatting…then back to text.

I found myself making sure I looked extra cute when I went to school so he would notice and compliment me. My makeup was always done with extreme care so my aesthetics would please him. As we flirted, I knew he wasn’t the one. The things he said clued me in on that fact. The most significant thing being that he didn’t actively attend church. (We rarely talked about God, although he knows I’m a Christian). I told God prior to engaging in the relationship with this particular guy that I wanted a man who loved God with all his heart, and this included attending church faithfully.

But I was lonely, I liked the attention…I liked being pursued. It had been two months since I had gotten attention from a man that I was physically attracted to.
I lied to myself, telling myself that hanging out alone with the guy was a good idea. 
I had boundaries and I didn’t plan on crossing the line.
I would love to say I was right….but I wasn’t. We hung out alone and the lines were crossed. The things I promised God I wouldn’t do, I did.

After the initial encounter I cried. I didn’t want to pray. I felt like God hated me, like he was angry with me for being a liar. Like he was angry that I failed him yet again.
I would love to say I stopped cold turkey talking to this guy…but I didn’t. We hung out again, same thing happened…and again, the same thing continued to happen.

I beat myself up, I asked why was I doing the things my spirit hated, why was my flesh taking over?
Then I remembered my earnest prayers to God. The prayers where I asked him to reveal my heart and hidden sin.
 The problem was that even before I crossed the line with the guy…I thought about the line. I imagined kissing this guy. I dwelt on the thoughts of romance with the stranger who wasn’t my husband. I was already sinning against God in my heart and didn't realize it(by not staying focused on my promises to God), but it took a physical occurrence for me to recognize my sin. 

God allowed my failure to reveal my heart to me, to show me his correction and to cushion me in his grace.

Sometimes in our Christian walk, we act so righteously...we get cocky.
We begin to think that we’re better than our other Christian brothers and sisters because we don’t listen to certain types of music, or we don’t go to the club. We place ourselves on a pedestal we should never be on. We forget that our righteousness is only possible because of the grace of God.

It took failing for me to find comfort in my savior yet again. 

In the midst of my wallowing and disappointment in myself, God continued to pour out his blessings over me. I received unexpected finances and two friends shared that it was because of my words and actions that they were pursuing truly Christ.

I believe God did it as a reminder. Without Christ I am nothing. In my weakness and failures, his strength and majesty is fully realized. 

I’m reminded of Romans 3:23-26

23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. 24 Yet God freely and graciously declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. 25 For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past, 26 for he was looking ahead and including them in what he would do in this present time. God did this to demonstrate his righteousness, for he himself is fair and just, and he declares sinners to be right in his sight when they believe in Jesus.

It is only through the redemptive grace of God that we are justified. When we fail, God has already figured it out and he picks us up.

In our failures, Christ's Glory is manifested 2 Corinthians 12:19

And in these failures God is our vindicator and our redeemer.

 Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me. He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication. Micah 7:8-9

Don’t dwell in the shame, nor in the condemnation for there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1

While Christians sin, the difference is that the price for our sins have been paid and we run the race like a conditioned runner, enduring till the end with our hope planted firmly in Christ. The higher standard we are called to, is only made possible through our savior. 

Constantly returning to Christ and allowing him to replace your sinful nature with a Godly nature is how we endure.

So when you fall, or fail: know that your victory is assured, and that God has neither left you, nor forsaken you, repent and return to the righteousness of God's bosom.

All my love,
Spending some quality time with my mom and brother. I love these moments