So I haven’t been writing. I haven’t had the motivation and
I’ve been in a rut for lack of a better word. I've also been throwing myself various pity parties and other one woman affairs along the way.
Between April 2015 and July 2015, my life has been an
exciting whirlwind of God’s grace, mercy, love and blessings.
I’ll start from the beginning.
April
I was preparing to graduate. It was supposed to be an exciting time in my life filled with warm memories and deep connections. Not so in my case. I struggled with my feelings of insecurity about my future. I struggled with my less than stellar grades. I struggled with anxiousness about where I was going to live and what I was going to do. I prayed continuously for God to reveal my purpose to me, I asked Him endlessly where I should live and what I should do. It seemed like God remained silent longer than I would have liked. I sought God’s direction about a Job, I literally lived paycheck to paycheck. I needed to pay for a mission’s trip that I had already committed to going on. It seemed to be one thing after the other after the other.
Honestly, April was a season where fasting and prayer were essential
in my daily walk, but I prayed less than I would have liked and relied too
heavily on the previous day’s bread for nourishment.
Through grace, the lord blessed with all the finances to pay
for my missions trips and I began to truly learn that all earthly wealth is
from the Lord, and he alone is my source, no one and nothing else.
May
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| Official graduate of the University of Central Florida |
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| It was important that I represented a unique aspect of me in my graduation pictures. I choose to showcase my heritage |
I graduated, I made it through April. My friends and family
surrounded me and supported me. God instructed me to remain in Orlando, to stay
faithful to the church he planted me in and to help their ministry grow. I
continued to struggle with the HOW.
Yes God I know I’m supposed to stay in
Orlando, but HOW is this going to be possible. I had no job, I had no source of
income and my parents desperately wanted me to come home and focus on medical
school applications.
I even went on a mission’s trip. God moved mightily in the
hearts and minds of many people. I saw the beautiful country of Haiti. I spoke out
loud the testimony God had grown in my spirit over the past several months. I
spoke about the abusive relationship I endured due to my disobedience to God. I
spoke to complete strangers and intimate friends about the beauty of the father’s
redemption and how he saved a wretch like me from sure death and destruction
at the hands of my own lust and selfish ambition.
I still struggled with the lust of my flesh and the need to
fill the God-shaped whole in my heart with the affections of man, especially
those of men.
God blessed with a job. The way he did it was almost
surreal. I didn’t even apply for the position, I received an invitation to
apply, and the job was given to me. Albeit it was the job which I had resigned
from, but it was a source of income.
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| Arriving at Haiti with my missions group |
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| Everyone loves a good selfie, with my sisters in christ: Kesi, Janelle and Noreka |
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| We were advised to wear conservative clothing, so I spent most of the field time wearing long dresses My brother in Christ Eno! |
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| This is lovely, she loved taking photos on my camera so we had a mini photoshoot |
June
I felt a desire to desire more of God, I had grown lackadaisical
in quest for more of God, for his spirit and power, for relationship with him.
I attributed my lack of desire to not attending Sunday service anymore. I also complained about not being able
to be as involved with church as much as I would have desired because the job I prayed
for required me to work Sunday mornings.
Thus began the groaning process. Why God? Please give me a
better job. Lord how can I fulfill your will for my life if I’m broke and can’t
even go to church.
I’m sure I did more complaining than praising. But God
continued to provide regardless of my murmuring because he is faithful even
when my faith is lacking.
The prayer for this season became: LORD, help my unbelief.
Help me to trust you even when I can’t see what’s ahead. Father give me a cheerful heart in this
season of my life and let me never forget your goodness.
July
The Lord began to reveal his destiny for my life. I came to
the understanding that I have to be okay with how the Lord chooses to reveal his will for
my future, and that may be one step at a time.
I’ve come to the understanding that there are tests that
need to be passed, that there’s obedience that needs to occur before I can be
given anymore responsibility.
I’ve realized, I need to kill my flesh, literally suffocate it
until it dies. This process truly has to be daily, regardless of how I feel. I
may never feel like waking up and spending quiet time at the feet of Jesus, but
it is necessary, my life depends on this, daily.
God blessed with a Job that far exceeds anything I could
have asked for, he continues to rain down his favor in the big and the small.
And when I try to slip away from the grasp of his hand , he
shocks me into obedience, convicts me accordingly and I repent whole heatedly
because the true desire of my heart is to spend all my days abiding in the house of
the Lord, forever and ever.
This really wasn’t an encouragement blog, but it’s a true
snapshot of what my life has been like for a long stretch of time. I am continuously
in awe of my heavenly father. I am so honored to be chosen and deemed
worthy of his righteous love.
If I could sum up my experiences in these previous months using
one passage, it would be:
Psalms 37:23-24 The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
24 Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the Lord holds
them by the hand.
I’m not perfect, but I continue to serve a perfect God.
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| My lovely mama. That's my prayer warrior friend |
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| As I grow older I appreciate the time I get to spend with my family. |
All my love,
obioma
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