Your daily reminder...

How do you grow and nurture any relationship?
The obvious answer...spend time together, talk to one another.
What about honesty?
That's important
What about sharing?
That's also incredibly important.
what about authenticity?
Yep, that's necessary.
Intimacy...that too

Sometimes in our relationships with God, we forget that we are nuturing a living breathing friendship with the one true God.
Sometimes I feel myself waxing and wanning in my relationship with Christ.
The fear of backsliding is always gnawing at my heels. I carefully think about all the things I'm about to do and rate them against my heavenly meter.
Lord...if I watch this Pg13 movie...will I lose a little bit of my christian credibility?
More often that not I wear the badge of my Christianity as a mirror of my worth. Wait, what does that mean?
Yes, God defines my worth, but I'm not talking about God.
I'm talking about the things I do that others see and use to label me as a believer.
Things like...not cursing, not having sex outside of marriage....not getting drunk.
You know the things that make me a 'good person', a good 'christian' .

I've gotten into the terrible habit of using these actions as a determination of my level of closeness with Christ. If I am behaving like a proper christian, if I don't sin as much as the next person...I use that as a checklist for whether or not I'm doing the whole christian thing right.

Self-righteousness is a sin that so many people fail to realize they're even committing, and I believe one of the easiest to fall into as a believer. If in your faith you've gotten into the routine of performing a list of duties for God with the thought that it justifies your salvation, you my friend are committing that sin.

I'd become so focused on my outward actions as the scale on which I measured my inner salvation that I lost sight of the relationship and friendship that truly paid the price for my salvation.

We live in a meritocracy, a world where the belief is widely held that the more you work for something, the greater your reward. Christianity says no, that's not true. God's gift of eternal life is free and no man earns nor deserves it.

The word goes on further to say that because of this gift,

16 Because of all that God has done, we now have a new perspective. We used to show regard for people based on worldly standards and interests. No longer. We used to think of the Anointed the same way. No longer. 17 Therefore, if anyone is united with the Anointed One, that person is a new creation. The old life is gone—and see—a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:16-17

It's actually Christ that changes our perspective and allows us to have higher standards, to aspire to a greater level of consecreation. WE do not, I repeat WE do not do these things for ourselves or on our own.
While we strive to live a holy life, let us not forget who made this holiness possible. It is only by the grace of God that we're able to understand and appreciate true righteousness. 
We do nothing to earn the love of God. 
The word only asks us to draw near to God and promises that he will draw near to us. James 4:8 It's by the cultivation of this relationship, through prayer and intimacy that we will ever become the men and women of God we so desperately desire to be.

So if you feel like you've been sucking at this christian thing lately, or have felt a lack of desire towards the things of Christ...examine yourself and your life. Are you spending time with God?
I mean truly spending time, not are you running through a 15 minute prayer with Bethel worship and journaling for 5 minutes.
I'm not talking about your daily routine.
I mean are you actually talking to God? Voicing your disappointments, frustrations, convictions?

We will never be the authentic men and women of God we aspire to be if we have an inauthentic relationship with matter how hard we try.

 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.

Ephesians 2:8-9
Bonding with my mama, cultivating our relationship during the Christmas holidays

All my love,

Letter to my future husband

Dear future Husband,

I would love to say that I pray for you all the time, that I cover you in the blood, and I speak nothing but life over you.
I would love to say that I war against provinces and principalities in your name and call down heavenly messengers on your behalf. 

But I don’t.

I fail fully in that area.

The truth, the honest truth and nothing but the truth is that while I think about you, I spend most of my time fantasizing about you.

Are you tall? 
Is your caramel complexion perfection? 
Is your jaw chiseled? 
What does the frame of your body do? 
Does it ripple as you work out, does the sweat glisten off you back?
How’s your smile ? Do you have a perfect row of chick-let teeth that gleam as you do a half-cocked grin?

Will our intimacy be mind-blowing or medicore….

I compare you to my past, to the men from before. I stack you up against them. I weigh your future accomplishments against their past deeds. 
I reminisce about their past romantic gestures. 
I’ve already instructed you on what you need to do based on what has been done.

And even yet, I become angry at you.

Where were you when he hurt me? 
Why couldn’t you comfort me in my loneliness? 
If you had been there when I struggled with my body and my face would you have prevented the trail of men that I left in my wake?

I get sad at you, because I ponder on the hurts you’ve experienced, from the women who weren’t me. Did they hurt you, leave scars I could see?
Did they claw at your heart, take pieces that belonged to me?

Sometimes I sigh at your childhood…the one I concocted in my head. If you’re anything like me, it was unstable…yet stable. It was imperfect, yet adequate.
Did you fight the demon’s of dysfunction, and triumph only to fail. 

Will you reveal your past pain to me through tears as we sit on the bed? 
Will I have to fix you because someone else has broken parts of you?

I pray not. 

I imagine my complexity and it makes me anxious to meet yours. 

Dear future husband,

 I’ll be honest: I don’t feel good enough for you. I worry that I won’t be what you want, deserve or need. 


I’m just afraid of the reality.

So I look at my list, the same one I gave to God.
And as X, Y, Z and he walk by, I mentally cross them off. I anticipate you, but dread it at the same time.
Ecclesiastes, a season for everything.

So while I wait for you, I’m finally going to work on me. 

Dear future husband, 
I pray this letter finds you well. 
I pray that you forgive my failures.
I pray that you pray for me and do as I wish, not as I do.

Because the pedestal you stand on, I will never reach.

Doing a lot with my new hat and kimono. Secret: the hat was only $7 dollars, so was the kimono. I love deals!