I'm mad at God, now what?

Yea, you read the title right.
I was mad at God. To be honest, I'm still not completely over what caused me to be upset in the first place.
Let me back up...

So I'm finishing up my first year of my masters program.
I turned 25, God literally shown down his face upon me...but wait, a life hurdle rears its ugly head.
I'm supposed to get an internship over the summer, mind you, I started looking for this internship in 2017 and was convinced I'd be working for Google (That's a long story).
Fast forward several months later, no internship, no job, and wondering what my future is supposed to look like.

In between I traveled to 4 different countries, if you count Puerto Rico(yes, I know it's a territory)
I took amazing pictures, had once in a life time encounters and was blessed to share it with people I genuinely care about.

So why are you mad at God, Obioma?
That's the appropriate question at this time.

Because I've been praying for somethings.

And you know what?

I haven't gotten them.

In the process of praying, I don't feel like I hear God.

I don't feel like I feel God and I'm frustrated about that.

Did I mention that prior to ignoring me, God gave me specific tasks that required provision that I wasn't seeing?

So, I was mad at God. The anger started small at first. I'm praying, but my prayers were one track minded and usually selfish. I'm believing and believing, because God has never failed me before. But I'm not seeing evidence of the belief this time.
As rejection letter after rejection letter poured in...the anger grew.

GOD, you love me, I feel I've been doing what I'm supposed to do...why are you not coming through for me?
So as I asked this question what seemed liked countless times, the anger ballooned. It came to the point where prayer was a chore, but I obeyed begrudgingly, not out of delight, but out of mandate. My worship was lackluster.

In the process, one thing I couldn't fix my mouth to do was deny the goodness of God, or his faithfulness.
BUT, I was hurt, hurt that He wasn't coming through, but worst...that He seemed to be ignoring me.

This is where I offer a picture perfect solution and scriptures that you can reference and be encouraged, but truly, it's not that easy.

WHEN, we go through times like this, and it's a matter of when, not IF: This is God's way of testing our faithfulness, our belief and our head knowledge of his sovereignty. 
I don't doubt that with a snap of his heavenly fingers, all my problems would be solved, but the part I'm dealing with is how faithful am I to God, and to his vision for my life.
My faith, YOUR faith will get tested, time and time again, and even though we know that our God is good, do we really believe that.

Will you keep serving God not just when He says No, but when he says 'Not right now'
Because it's not God's 'Nos' that hurt the most, it's his wait.
Because while you're waiting, you're in pain, and you're travailing, you're hanging on to the last thing He did.
If I can paint a picture: you're teetering on the edge of a cliff blindfolded. You don't know whether to jump or not because you don't know if the ground beneath you is safe, the wind is blowing and with each blow you're forced to keep your balance on the edge. The whole time, you're asking God what do I do, and it seems like all he can say is 'Not yet', but you're not sure how much longer you can keep fighting the wind.

What if I told you God never asked you to fight the wind? What if I told you His wait, really does mean WAIT, and while you're waiting, make sure you have on His full armor.

Ephesians 6:13-18
 13.Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 

When we really take the time to dissect Ephesians 6, we realized that in the waiting process, God gives us everything we need to bear the winds. To stand firm, we need the Belt of Truth (which is a reminder of all that God is, and all he can do, and has done.) We need the Breastplate of Righteousness, which encourages us to continue to do good and not grow weary in our well doing. We need the shoes of peace because when the enemy attempts to target our minds, we confidently can stand in the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Our shield of faith is the reminder that God is faithful, no matter the nasty schemes of the enemy against the reputation of our Savior. Our salvation is where it all starts, and the word of God, the bible is how we counterattack. 
The most important thing, in all this: Prayer!
Trust me, God knew I was angry with him, He just wanted me to admit it. Use these testing time to run to God and not away from him. Tell him your frustrations, the battle, the fear. And when He says wait...trust that too.
My prayer is that if you're ever mad at God, you take the time to stop, and bask in his sovereign goodness. Realize that all things have a purpose in the hand of God. And honestly, how can you stay angry at the one who gave it all for you?

All my love,
At Westminster Palace, with my usual face. London was interesting to say the least.

  • IF you haven't already, follow my passion project @biblesplusbrunch on Instagram. BiblesplusBrunch is an intimate opportunity to feed your soul and body. Over brunch we discuss what God has called you to do it, and equip each other with the resources to achieve and live intentionally. The next brunch date is: June 23rd: Orlando Florida. 
 Reserve your seat here!

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